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Narcissism is one of those popular buzzwords that our generation likes to throw up when describing someone we have met and whom we find overly vain, self-centered, selfish and generally less than supportive. Whether it’s your horrible boss, a trash ex-boyfriend or the leader of the free world, it’s easy to label someone as a narcissist to explain their otherwise inexplicable behavior.

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But did you know that this narcissistic label that we often put on people is actually part of a more serious personality disorder that psychologists believe is unrecognizable and irreversible in those who suffer from it? That’s right, people with narcissistic tendencies believe that they are just too confident rather than narcissistic, and according to psychologists, this narcissism masked as false confidence will prevent them from seeking help to change their behavior for good. .

Although most of us demonstrate certain narcissistic traits over time (think of selfies on Instagram), those who suffer from extreme narcissism are said to have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is a mental condition where people have an exaggerated sense of their own importance and often experience difficult relationships due to their disregard for others.

But what does all this mean?

Psychologists say people with NPD have a lack of empathy for others and a desperate need for admiration. They expect to be recognized as superior, even without achievements that deserve to be recognized. They have a sense of the law and tend to exaggerate (or lie) about their talents and accomplishments in order to be the worship or envy of their peers. They tend to associate with people they think are talented or gifted in one way or another, because it is this association that helps build their own self-esteem and gives the narcissist the opportunity take advantage of an individual to get what he wants. The narcissistic person in your life may seem confident at first, but over time, that confidence turns into arrogance, self-centeredness and manipulation.

As a result, people with NPD also have a hard time dealing with criticism and often react with rage or try to belittle others to feel superior when they feel attacked. Deep inside, narcissists have secret feelings of insecurity, shame and humiliation and can become depressed or in a bad mood if they never reach their idea of ​​perfection. Because of their impulsive behavior, researchers often associate the NDP with high rates of addiction, as well as mood and anxiety disorders.

But how do people get narcissistic?

In an episode of Red Table Talk titled “The Narcissism Epidemic”, clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, revealed that people were not born narcissists, they were created by careless parents.

“The narcissistic children themselves had narcissistic parents or really distracted parents,” said Dr. Durvasula. “Children who are too spoiled, which means they get everything they want; any experience or (amount) of money, while their emotional needs are completely undernourished. It’s the difference. As far as they’re concerned, they go to Disney Land every weekend but sometimes they just want to cry and say “I’m feeling sad or afraid” and there is no adult to find when that happens. “

“That excessive indulgence against insufficient indulgence teaches the child that only their external and external things count. And then the kids who are valued only for what they do – you hit a soccer ball well, you sing well, you get good grades, you’re pretty – those kids who learn who realize that I’m just that what I do and how I look and no one cares about my inner world. By the time they’re around 16.17 or 18, this (narcissism) starts to emerge and there’s not much you can do about it. It is not a pattern that changes. “

Most people with NPD may not think that something could happen to them, so it is very unlikely that someone with narcissism will seek therapy. If NPD people seek treatment, it is usually not specifically for narcissism, as perceived threats to their self-esteem make it very difficult for narcissists to accept change.

So how do you handle the narcissist in your life?

Don’t fall into fantasy, set healthy boundaries, and don’t take things personally. Narcissists live in a false reality and this includes their point of view on others. Don’t let their blame game shatter your self-esteem. Protect your peace, refuse to accept any undeserved criticism and remember, you are enough!

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